An Open Letter to Bears: Please Don’t Eat My Chick-fil-A
Dear bears of Montana,
Despite our slightly different appearances, we have a lot in common. I listened to "The Bare Necessities" from "The Jungle Book" like a million times as a kid and I really took the message to heart. Like you, I live simply and in harmony with nature. On weekends I often take long walks, admiring Montana's beauty before settling down for a nap, just like you. We also love the same foods, and I'm glad we can both appreciate honey and fish. The problem is, you also have an appetite for Chick-fil-A.
Don't try to deny it, I have proof. This week in Florida a bear stole a man's Chick-fil-A meal right off his porch. You might not know this, bears, but taking someone else's food is against the law. I have no doubt the police are searching for this criminal bear, seen in the video below:
The risk of getting arrested isn't the only reason you shouldn't eat human food, bears. Our food is unhealthy for you, and to make it in the wild you need your full strength. I've also been hungry and eaten something I shouldn't have, but I learned from that experience and no more jello shots for me.
Another thing we have in common is that I also don't like being told what to do, but sometime's it's for the best. That's why I'm telling you to stop eating Chick-fil-A. After your hibernation I'm sure you'll want to try the nuggets from the Chick-fil-A that recently opened in Missoula, but it's best if you don't. I'll also remind you to stop eating my garbage.