Last weekend I did the maybe the most Montana thing I've ever done— I bought a Subaru. Everyone who's been here knows Montanans love Subarus, but what people don't know is that if you buy one here, you get initiated into a secret society. Well, it was a secret society, but I'm telling everyone about it because I needed something to write about today.

After I finished signing the contracts and I officially became a Subaru owner, the lights flickered and went out. The car salesman lit a torch and told me to follow him through a hallway with a taxidermy deer head at the end of it. He pulled its antlers which revealed a secret passageway, and when I got to the bottom of the long, dark staircase, these are the people that I met:

Montana Bros

For those unfamiliar with the bro subculture, it's for dudes who like sports, beer and wearing hats backwards. Montana bros use their Subarus to carry their snowboarding gear to the nearest mountain. In Montana, I don't think bros drive anything else... maybe Jeeps.

Hip Parents That Refuse to Drive a Minivan

Montanan, Subaru-driving parents have still got it. Sure, things have changed since college, so no more painting yourselves maroon and getting absolutely wasted off Fireball Cinnamon Whisky, but that doesn't mean you're suddenly uncool. In fact, this is for sure an improvement.

Dog Lovers

I'm fairly certain every Montanan that owns a dog also owns a Subaru, maybe because a BMW doesn't seem like the right ride for ol' Rover. Subarus are low enough that most pooches can hop right in the trunk, so no need to pick up your muddy, dripping-wet mutt to set them down on your back seat.

The Long Hauler

According to, "96% of Subaru vehicles sold in the last 10 years are still on the road today." So the Subaru is a great fit for people who like to hold onto their cars for awhile, such as thrifty Montanans who would rather spend money on fun experiences than getting a new car each year. To quote one of the Subaru slogans, they're "inexpensive, and built to stay that way."

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