New Year’s Resolutions: Hilarious Suggestions for Montana Towns
Well, it's almost time for us to lie to ourselves about improving again. Oh boy. Jokes aside, a new year is a great opportunity to set goals for yourself. It's hard work, but if you follow through on your New Year's resolution, the payoff can be huge.
No individual is perfect, and the same could be said for cities— so why don't we make resolutions for entire towns? Here's what I suggest should be New Year's resolutions for Montana towns:
Missoula - Stop Smoking Weed
Missoula, 2023 is the year you finally get a haircut and quit smoking that whacky tabaccy. Oh, and no vaping either.
Bozeman - Accept Who You Are
Bozeman and Los Angeles are now completely identical, it's impossible to tell the two apart without snow. So trade in your cowboy hat for a Gucci beret and I think you'll be more comfortable.
Great Falls - Start Jogging
Think about it, you could jog away from Great Falls and then never come back.
Helena - Stop Making Everything Political
I get you're our state's capital and that's where all our legislation or whatever happens and blah blah blah but could we maybe we just talk movies sometime? And maybe after your little votes you could play a hacky sack game or something, I'm just spitballing here.
White Fish - Be More Charitable
You can start by giving me $20.
Billings - Cut Down On Sugar
Billings is known for it's sugar beet factory, but maybe you could start making something healthy for a change. Does kale grow in Montana?
Hamilton - Stop Being So Nice
You're making the rest of us look bad.
Butte - You're Fine
I'm not dumb enough to tell Butte what to do but here's a gentle reminder that drinking and shooting are two separate activities which should never be done at the same time.