Yesterday my incredibly talented and golden-hearted boss (hi, Chris) wrote an article encouraging Montanans to watch the FIFA World Cup. Now I'll give my rebuttal, despite the risk of creating an awkward workplace, because that's how much I hate soccer. Here's why Montanans will probably find something else to do besides watch pretty boys pretend to get injured:

The Athletes

Montanans value grit and toughness, two qualities soccer players don't seem to embody as a whole, and the video below is proof. Montanans appreciate honesty, and the liars trying to manipulate refs for favorable calls are beyond parody. Although I'm not sure it matters, I'll mention that I've never seen a Montanan with a frou-frou hairstyle like you see on the heads of soccer players.


I know basically nothing about any country other than the United States but some people are concerned that Qatar may not be worthy of holding the beloved sporting event. Pop star Dua Lipa wrote on her Instagram story, "There is a lot of speculation that I will be performing at the opening ceremony of the World Cup in Qatar. I will not be performing and nor have I ever been involved in any negotiation to perform... I look forward to visiting Qatar when it has fulfilled all the human rights pledges it made when it won the right to host the World Cup." Montanans love freedom and fairness, so the perception that a country doesn't deserve the honor of the world cup could be a contributing factor as to why Montanans won't tune in.

In Conclusion

All that said, I hope you enjoy watching the world cup if that's what you want to do. I know earlier I wrote "I hate soccer," but that's only really the case if I'm completely sober. After even one Montana IPA I'll obnoxiously cheer for our kicking guy to get the ball passed the opponent's goal dude, cheers to that.

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