Christian Grant

What’s to know? There’s not much to say. I was created in a secret laboratory in Los Angeles by a team of scientists trying to engineer the world’s greatest tic-tac-toe player. They succeeded, but feared I was too powerful, so I was kept prisoner until I escaped by training cockroaches to pick locks. Adjusting to life on the outside wasn’t easy, but since then I’ve won a battle of the bands, performed a lot of stand-up comedy and a few acting gigs, including one where I hung out on set with Ariana Grande. Life was good, but I knew something was missing something. Was it friendship, romance or a spiritual discipline? No! What I needed was a plan for world domination. And whether you want to begin your career or your plan to rule planet with an iron fist, you need to start with an education (remember that, kids!) so I moved to Missoula to go to the University of Montana where I was the on-camera correspondent for the school news, the Montana Kaimin. So what’s next? You’ll see. YOU’LL ALL SEE.