Is Your Boyfriend a Werewolf or Just A Montanan?

Montanans are a different breed. If you compare a guy from Malibu to a guy from say, Butte, I think you may find some differences. For instance, I doubt many people from Malibu have ever had a face-to-face encounter with a moose. Most Malibu people would either pee themselves or try to give it a hug because that's what tourists do. Montanans however, are one with nature. Let's say I blindfolded a Montanan and dropped them off in the middle of nowhere, with no supplies or nourishment. Within 2 days there would be a log cabin, a bearskin rug and a barrel of hops fermenting to make a delicious IPA.

Montanans define ruggedness, but there are situations where that can be confusing—like those times where you can't figure out if your boyfriend is a werewolf or not. Montanans love their privacy, so it's hard to find the truth. When friends come to me for relationship advice, I often hear phrases like this:

"He's so mysterious, sometimes he goes into the woods alone."

That's usually nothing to worry about, many Montanans love the occasional night hike. The solitude of a moonlit walk through the forest can be quite refreshing. But then again, that's exactly what a wolfman would want you to think. Is he getting some fresh air, or finding a secluded place for a transformation and a good howling session?

"He's tireless. It's like there's nothing he can't handle."

Montanans are thrill seekers, and there's no terrain they haven't mastered. They climb treacherous mountains and kayak through whitewater rapids. It's incredible... almost supernatural, even.

"He comes home naked, covered in dry blood."

Yeah, this sort of thing happens all the time. It's like this, your boyfriend is field dressing a deer and as he's reaching into the carcass, ribbons of viscera (intestines and what have you) spill all over his flannel and jeans. Well he can't finish the job in his soaking wet clothes covered in guts, can he? I admit that sort of behavior can be a little suspicious, but I still wouldn't go shopping for silver bullets.